Feelings – how to show your feelings when your kids challenge you

You are your child’s first teacher and the most important of all. Your behavior and actions shape your child more than any word you say. With the rise in mental health problems, high suicide rates among preteens and teens, and the depression and anxiety that children experience, it is clear that parents have some fear when it comes to their children’s education. But with good parenting these problems can be forgotten

Play with your children

Children love to play and it is actually a great way to learn. As much as your children learn from you, you can also learn from them. Your children know how to live in the moment, the present … they live in the here and now. The time you spend with your children and how you spend time with them plays a key role in their overall well-being.

By playing with your child you will be able to connect both physically and emotionally with him, you will be able to start talking about your feelings and also his, so the connection and emotional learning will be more than assured.

During play, tell your child that you are happy to be playing with him and that you get excited every time he crawls, jumps, runs or is by your side because he makes you feel special and important. When you smile, hug him, tickle him … your child will feel special and happy in those moments. As a parent, you must realize how magical time with your children is.

Kids love to play and it's actually a great way to learn
Kids love to play and it’s actually a great way to learn

When your children have a challenging behavior, they will probably want to seek your attention, that they want to control the situation even if it means a power struggle against you. It is necessary that your children know what your feelings are and you show them in the most assertive way possible.

Cooperation is key

If your son refuses to make an order that you have given him … if you motivate him, he will probably do it with a good disposition, but if you impose it or force him in bad ways, the fight is guaranteed. Sometimes it is likely that your child does not want to cooperate in any way, when this happens, you will have to be consistent with your feelings.

If you feel irritated or upset, you will have to tell him how you feel and also reflect on what is happening and find a solution. For example, you can say something like: ‘I see that you ignore me when I tell you to pick up your room, you are still a little tired but you need to pick it up, if you want, I can help you and then we will all be fine.’ In this way you can reflect on their feelings and also on yours, thus enhancing cooperation.

Give your kids options

Options are always good options for children because they feel that they have a certain power in the situation they are experiencing. If, for example, if you want to watch television and your child makes noises, you may start to get angry and that the conflict is imminent if you do not know how to redirect the situation correctly. The technique to use is to present options to your child.

When you give your children options, they will feel empowered and that they can choose, that their opinions are valid.
When you give your children options, they will feel empowered and that they can choose, that their opinions are valid.

For example: ‘You are making noise and we cannot hear the television. You can stay and play quietly without making so much noise or we can take you to your room where you can play and make whatever noise you want. ‘ If he continues to make noise, you will have to take him to his room and only let him return only when he is able to play quietly.

When you give your children options, they will feel empowered and that they can choose, that their opinions are valid. This way he will feel respected and safe by your side. You will also be helping him to have a good sense of responsibility and he will be able to choose the most appropriate behavior.

It is necessary for your child to learn to name emotions, to understand how you feel or how he feels at different times. Reflecting on feelings is necessary for children to understand how you feel when they have challenging behavior and thus be able to redirect their behavior.